So I'm back at the airport with finally time to breathe and update my bloggy wog.
This week has been one giant blur and I have lost my sense of time completely.

Mom hasn't really improved in the week that I have spent with her.
She is getting a hole in her throat today so she can start breathing on her own (cross your fingers... better yet, PRAY HARD!)

The hardest part is how sad she is.
Her eyes have been lifeless... when I look into them, it feels like you
are looking at a lifeless person.
Up until yesterday that is. Now her eyes are full of complete sadness.
She just lays there.. not wanting to move or even breathe.
She cannot speak but she can move her mouth and yetsterday we could
barely make it out but we think she was asking us to let her go.
She has wanted to die for some time now, living with a chronic illness for 17 years.
My dad and I discussed what we should do...
Should we grant her wish and let her go and be freed from pain?
She has a living will that we have already semi-violated by putting
her on the ventilators and everything...
But she isn't terminal, not just yet.
If she quits the fight though, she will be and her body will quit on her.

The stroke really did a number on her too...
It was a major stroke but the damage is good in comparison to the
level of the stroke that it was.
There are so many little and big things happening like her pnumonia (sp)
and her hole in her heart (which will require surgery) and the embelisim
in her lungs... the list goes on.

The positive to this giant negative is that Eric and Dad and I have gotten
really closed. We cling to eachother like something sticky and it feels
really great to have their love surrounding me.
Michael hasn't been there as much and only came to see mom twice
that I know of... He just retreats to his own world but it makes it
harder on us and harder on mom.

I could go on for days about her... but there are a lot of people praying,
or so they claim to be. My mom has lost hope but we haven't ad thats what
love is for